my biggest problem, procastinating, i have been recultent to make this post. i have been, sigh. im not happy, im happy, i hate my mom, i lov my mom, im just gonna be done with all this, why do pople kill themselves? and thats just 30 seconds of thought in my head, i can't say everything i feel and i hate it if people would get their head out of their ass i could however they are forever stuck there with super glue. the kind they use to fix airplanes ( if they used glue for airplanes.) so you know what caution to the wind whitch will more than likely end up smacking me in the face... i digress. i so sick of people telling me how to liv my life butt out if i wanna throw it away i will, if i wanna cure cancer i will so get the stick out of your ass and let me live it the way i want to, MOM: i love you i really do, but if i could throw you off a cliff into a pool of sharks i might, you wonder why we have comunitation problems well let me tell you i tell you things that bug me and your responce " oh whatever melanie" like you don't even care but god forbid i say you dont care than you play the deffensive mother, i hate that i can't be honest with with you cause if i need something nope it wont happen if i tell you how im really feeling, for example i need a new computer but i wont get one because when i get back home im going to get an ear full im going to storm out like the " gueen of the hill bitch" i am and then we will have a heart to heart after you can "deal with me " again. you say im senstive and need to get over it, well guess what we make jokes i get that we are ruthless and the jokes will touch any subject of mine, god forbid you make jokes about mikeys fails but mine open season get your guns cause im tied down and can't run, and this whole i get on her for her room too just not when your around, and your mikey is differnt she is older, well guess what its not that she is older or you repremand her in private its that im not perfect and she is you will never admit it to me or even yourself but you have a closer bond with her and will always care  about her more. its seems like all i can do is wrong, and its all my fault. MIKEY: you know if you wernt so damn perfect all the time, or even bitchy casue let me tell you you are bitcher than i am and i swear to go i will slap the shit out of you one day if you dont stop with your shit, you do things because you know that they piss me off how mature is that? i have nowhere to trun i can't go to my grandparents or other familys cause my family is worse that the two of them and i can;t take their shit anymore im done, but guess what? im a bitch and im never going to tell you guys these things i cant you dont listen id never get it all out without a "oh whatever melanie" or a " get off your high horse queen melanie" or my personal favorite " go to your room im done" so i sit here bawling my eyes out wishing i could tell you the truth but i never will. so hi mom i miss you i love you and ill see you soon give you self a big hug and kiss for me! muah! bye. 

so nevermind that last post my mom didn't get the job so looks like im staying. and i don't want it to seem like i don't feel for my mom i do i love her more than anyone could ever know, but im kinda glad we dont have to go through all the moving chaos. well it's 6am and im going to my grandms today at 9 am. mikey is taking me so she is teaching me how to drive i have no idea how long i will be there but we shall see. im hoping that grandma will let me drive today. and not make we wait till later in the week. i also really want starbucks this morning i have been up all night so i have no other option ither mikey and i get drinks and breakfast or i go to starbucks. not that mikey and i wont get drinks anyway :P  well i have to shower but idk if im going to i might just shower when i get there. we shall see well i have to finish packing and if you knew me you would know im packing takes forever and i pack way too much ill take pictures and post them so you can see my issue. *yawn* i can't tell if mom is in the shower or if the heater is going or both. ill go see really dont want to miss out on my starbucks.